The Hit Crew >> New Year's Party Music

What could be better at getting your New Year's party jumping than an album of hits from 10 years ago?  Yes that's right, if they're not sung by their original artists, but instead a collection of soundalikes!

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Happy New Year.

Chief Kooffreh >> Worldwide Best Christmas

Answer me this: What Christmas song isn't improved by adding police sirens?  The answer of course, is all of them, but judge for yourself by listening to this collection of festive treats by prolific artist Chief Koffreh.

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Bareback Boys >> Bare Christmas

To get you in the Christmas mood here's an album that should do just that.  Wait, no, this isn't the mood I expected.  No, wait, stop...

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Lil Ruben >> Fortnite, Vol 1

Another bedroom rapper, Lil Ruben has decided to take musical inspiration from his favourite computer game.  I'm not entirely sure how any of the songs relate to the content of Fortnite, but I'll take his word for it.

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Thin One >> Haters University

Recorded in his grandmas bathroom using the built-in mic of his laptop, this album of urban grooves is the first in a trilogy of Haters University albums from this artist.  Strangely, the entire album is punctuated all the way through with adverts for a website.

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Earwax Control >> Number Two Live

This weird album is full of weird noises, I wouldn't exactly call it music, most of the tracks don't have a discernable beat of any kind.  Or tune.  Or much of anything, really.

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Melted Cassettes >> The Real Sounds from Hell Recordings

A sort of harsh electro-industrial noise album with vocals so heavily processed with effects that you'll struggle to understand a single word.  Incomprehensible and impenetrable.

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Submitted by Brian back in 2013.  Thanks, Brian!

Translate Weather: Sex with Maps >> Feel Forecasts from Follows

This prolific artist has released numerous albums which all bear striking similarity to each other, namely that they are filled with incomprehensible bleeps, screeches, clicks, clacks and hushed whispering.  This is not music for normal humans.

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A Submitter >> Do or Die: Sheeple or Terrorists

It's the time of year once again to celebrate the attempted destruction of the British houses of parliament by celebrated terrorist Gudio Fawkes.  He's an album about terrorists, or sheeple, or maybe both.  7 discs worth of weird noises.

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Kidz Bop Kidz >> KIDZ BOP Halloween

Let's get that scary party bopping along to these classic tracks that have been absolutely ruined by having them sung by kids who have probably never heard any of the original tracks and are incapable of singing with any kind of passion.

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Jad Fair >> Everyone Knew... But Me

If the 'thing' that everyone else knew was that Jad Fair sounded like someone torturing a bunch of cats, then I really wish someone would have told him.  This album is from 1981, and amazingly he's still shitting out music today.

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IceGoat >> This is IceGoat

The difficult first album from IceGoat is an interesting mix of experimental sounds and avant garde expressionism which tells the tale of the life of an average brony in the year 2008.  Heavily influenced by such sounds as "someone eating a microphone", and "man has a bad accident with a lawnmower".

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Submitted by Johnny back in 2015 -- thanks Johnny!

Eilert Pilarm >> Eilert is Back

Eilert is back.  This is your only warning.  He likes Elvis songs, and he sings them in the best way he can.

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The Chant Masters >> Gregorian Beatles

Gregorian chants and songs by The Beatles aren't natural bedfellows, what with being separated in popularity by many hundreds of years.  If you're curious how the two could coexist, by all means...

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Lou Reed >> Metal Machine Music

This album, believe it or not, was so terrible that the record company actually sent apology notices out to all of the record stores that carried it.  Imagine yourself sitting in a dentist's chair and having a drill in your mouth, without novocaine, with rusty nails being driven into your fingers, with an insane circus clown honking a horn in your ear while throwing pies in your face for hours and hours and hours. That feeling is this album.

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Nick Knowles >> Every Kind of People

DIY SOS host Nick Knowles has stepped away from the tool box and into the studio as he releases his debut album, and people have been giving it some hilarious reviews.  "The singing is quite simply astonishing. Nick brays along pleasingly in a raspy bass-type fashion: part Tom Waits, part throttled warthog. The musical arrangements are right up there with your average pub singalong (but not quite as good, but it’s close)."

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Studio Group >> Jungle Porn Soundtrack

What better combination could there be than the moans, squeals, grunts and sighs of a porn movie accompanied by the tribal music sounds of some jungle dwelling community?

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Is it warm in here or is it just me?

Thanks to Sami-Pekka, who submitted this to me a loooong time ago.

Orchestre Sein du Wun >> Musiques Khmères royales & populaires

Reader Niklas writes; "Here’s a masterpiece that I found when browsing through the wonders of Spotify one evening. I would like to introduce you to Burmese party-banger and club-shaking sounds. And if you play any song from this album, you’ll appreciate rhythm all of a sudden."

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He's not wrong.  Like a class of primary school children at a musical recital.  Thanks, Niklas!

Hot Time Harv's Rollercoaster of Kicks >> Hot Time Harv's Rollercoaster of Kicks

Hot Time Harv might have a modicum of talent; he sure can play the ukulele, but why does he have to sing in that ridiculous voice? 

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Subconscious Language Learning Shaman - English / Chinese Volume 1

I'm not convinced that listening to any of these subconscious language learning albums will do anything for your ability to speak in foreign tongues, but I'm willing to be proven otherwise.

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Pooping Poop Poopers and Shouting Girls Crying Man >> Penis Man Laughing at 80's Fashion Tips with Banana Hookers

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me Pooping Poop Poopers and Shouting Girls Crying Man!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… love and waffles, Pooping Poop Poopers and Shouting Girls Crying Man.

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The Medicine of Music >> Songs of Love: Pop, Vol. 324

Volume 324. Really. There are hundreds of these wholesome albums singing about people, their redeeming qualities, and things they enjoy. The titles don't seem to relate to the song besides the name, leading to such bizarre examples as "Kaylee loves Bells, Gardevoir, and Stretching" and "Joshua loves Aston Martin, Liechtenstein, and Teacher".

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Anyone got an explanation for these albums?

Brian C >> Coming of Age

No, don't worry, you haven't lost all hearing in your left ear; the first song is really mixed 100% to the right speaker.  The album does manage to return to stereo for the remainder, but doesn't really improve in any other way.

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Lou Reed and Metallica >> Lulu

I might get some hate for this post but here goes anyway.  I like Metallica.  I like Lou Reed.  Both are accomplished artists and both have produced some great music.  However, this collaboration is just absolute trash.  Really, truly awful.

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I'm not sure in which regions this album is available on Spotify, but if the above link doesn't work for you there are other ways of listening to it, which I recommend you do.  Just once.

Farrah Abraham >> My Teenage Dream Ended

In a review for this album, a writer for Entertainment Weekly wrote, "Vocal effects are applied so thickly that you can’t really understand a word Abraham is yelping. Blessing in disguise?" Some critics have lauded the record's indescribable sound as "brilliantly baffling and alienating", while others have stated that it will make the listener "want to kill themself."  Sounds perfect to me.

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Fruity Water >> Thirst Takes

This duo from Brighton, England have a pretty nice sound, sort of synth-pop influenced.  They're super serious, too.  They have a twitter, facebook, instagram, and play gigs.  Why has nobody told them the singer just can't sing?

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Chief Kooffreh >> Star Sunshine Music

Today is the 1st of July, traditionally a warm and sunny time of year in the northern hemisphere.  What could be a better celebration of summer than sunshine music? 

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Fate vs Free Willy >> New Dead End

Headache-inducing guitar noise and barking sounds that I assume are attempts at singing, all recorded, given the amount of reverb, in what I assume is a large plastic tube.

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Bingo Gazingo - Bingo Gazingo

More bizarre music from the "why would anyone record this, let alone listen to it" category.  Weird ramblings on wide-ranging topics set to music.  Perhaps it's some sort of poetry or performance art?  Who knows.

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Magic Tricks >> I Got Bored

Terrible rap is a regular staple on this blog, so here's another completely forgettable album to throw on that particular trash-pile.

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Matt Farley >> Official Motern Media Playlist

June 3rd is the birthday of prolific singer-songwriter Matt Farley. You might remember I featured a few of his albums back in March this year. He has declared that on his birthday everyone in the world must listen to the OFFICIAL MOTERN MEDIA PLAYLIST on Spotify.  Who am I to argue?

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Party Boy Sings >> Pussy Crazy at the Forbidden Bowling Alley

This artist has an amazing 17 albums on Spotify, with titles such as "Farts and Poo in a Toilet Full of Pee", "Bohemian Ass Disco with a Pubic Rhapsody", "Peeing and Pooping in My Pants", and "Whacky Farty Party with Huge Titties".  Normally I would assume he had let his four-year-old son choose the names, but having listened to some of the songs I'm not convinced.

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The Willett Family >> The Roving Journeymen

Something a little different for you this week. From the depths of Spotify's archive comes this 1969 album of English traditional songs, sung by Ben, Tom, and Chris Willett. Despite the obvious age in their singing voices it's not bad, but I have to wonder who would buy this and why?

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Wing >> Wing's Greatest Hits

I last featured Wing on this blog back in 2009, and we're very much overdue for a revisit.  If you've never heard of Wing before, she's a Chinese singer who covers songs in her own inimitable style. A real treat for the ears.

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Joey and Martha Welz >> When Two Become One

This autobiographical album seems like a sweet idea at first. What puzzles me though is why they would ever release it to the public? Not only that, but there's a second album with more of the same!

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Léon fa Du Fond >> Biggest OG in Ottawa

Straight from the autotune dimension, this French-Canadian rapper somehow manages a well produced album despite his lack of vocal talents. A polished turd.

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DJ Matari >> Greatness

Greatness is living on the inside of you, claims DJ Matari.  However, his actions don't mirror his words, as he was arrested earlier this month for stealing the Oscar trophy from American actress Frances McDormand. "Are sick beats supposed to make me feel physically sick like this?" writes AlbinoWino11.

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William Verkler >> ExtermiNation

"Instrumentals with Sound Effects", and "POPULATION CONTROL: Not the Sort of CHANGE I Expected" adorn the cover of this album of synth... music?  Lots more albums from this artist to check out, all equally awful.

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The Mike Korzak Band >> Uncle Beanies Band

I imagine the recording of this album went a little like this: "OK, we're recording? Yeah? Great. Can you turn it up? A bit more? A bit more? All the way up. Now boost it a little more. Yeah that's good. Perfect.  Now, start the drum machine."

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I love the fact that every album this artist has uses the same cover photo.

Nooshi >> The Complete Easter Party Album

Happy Easter! Here's a special album that celebrates everything that is sacred about this holiday. Some of the songs seem strangely familiar, such as "Twelve Days of Easter" and "Deck the Eggs". You like songs sung in high pitch, right? Of course you do.

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The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals >> Very Sad Songs About Very Dead Animals

Hey, I know you!  You're that guy from a few weeks ago, Papa Razzi and the Photogs!  You can't fool me!  Just how many names do you go by?  How does this guy find enough time to record all these songs?

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Turns out his name is Matt Farley, he goes by over 70 aliases, and has released more than 19,000 songs.

BrexitAnthem >> We Want Our Country Back

A follow-up to last week's topic, the singer of this cringeworthy song is under the delusion that the vote to leave the EU will make the UK a better place. "We want our freedom back, with accountable leaders who know and care". Well, couldn't agree more with that one, but that's got nothing to do with the EU.

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L.G. Boreland >> Brexit Brexit You're Not So Cherio

This hard-hitting opinion piece on the separation of the United Kingdom from the European Union goes into great depth regarding the political and economic implications of such a huge decision.  No, not really.  Did you expect anything less from this blog?

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Papa Razzi and the Photogs >> Papa Razzi Gets Introspective, Shares His Worldview, and Offers Advice

Piano improv, it's a thing that people do, and this guy does it a lot. He records album after album of himself singing about random things such as celebrities, politicians, things that famous people say or do, authors, comedians, movie directors, fictional characters, and lots lots (lots) more.  It was hard to choose just one, but I did.

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Chief Kooffreh >> The Cries Of 100 Million Americans

Dear readers. Today I bring you a special treat. An artist I have discovered that you are going to become very familiar with, because he's an absolute treasure-trove of trash.  Enjoy.

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Every single album this guy has released is amazing.

SNCKPCK >> DOG HEAVEN

Is it cheating to use albums that are intentionally bad?  At least, I hope it's intentionally bad, because otherwise this guy would be seriously delusional.  Bonus points for that photoshop work.

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As I write, this artist has 11 albums on Spotify, all equally cringeworthy. Check them out.

Vennu Mallesh >> I Love U Dear

Valentine's Day, the most romantic day of the entire year.  Let the soothing vocals of our old friend Vennu Mallesh take you away to a land of fantasy and pleasure, where he will serenade you night and day and show you his love.

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Hot Dad >> Are President

Sometimes an album is bad not because the artist is a bad singer, or because the music is poorly produced, but simply because of the content of the songs.  This guy obviously has talent, but who would actually listen to this album for pleasure?

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Check out his other albums, including "TV", 101 tracks singing about different TV shows.

One Dolla Timbo >> No Comment

"I'm not a stalker", insists this kid.  Presumably that's because his mother wants him home for dinnertime and he has homework to do in the evening, and school keeps him busy during the day.

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Drew Fitzgerald >> Iconic

I've struck a goldmine of terrible music by simply searching for songs titled 'fidget spinner', and this album is no exception.  Amazingly her singing is so bad that the autotune can't save it.

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