Monday, 28 December 2009

Joe Pesci >> Vincent Laguardia Gambini Sings Just For You

Christmas is a time for watching movies, and something every movie has in common is that it's got actors in it. Which is a coincidence, because Joe Pesci is also an actor! Reprising his role from 'My Cousin Vinny' Pesci recorded this album in character.

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Sunday, 20 December 2009

Crazy Frog >> Jingle Bells

Crazy Frog was born from a silly recording someone made and released to the internet a few years back. So what better occasion can there be than Christmas to listen to a horrid noise such as this?

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Wing >> Everyone Sings Carols With Wing

Santa Claus is coming to town, but he's gonna turn his sleigh right around and head back to the North Pole as soon as he hears Wing warbling these seasonal classics.

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William Hung >> Hung For The Holidays

Not the first time we've featured William Hung, but as we're getting close to Christmas it's about time to inflict his album of holiday hits on you and those around you.

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2 Live Jews >> Christmas Jews

The worst thing about this is not that it exists, but that I had three Christmas-themed albums to choose from!

Oy vey!

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Rupaul >> Ho Ho Ho

Rupaul the red nosed drag queen, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. All of the other drag queens, used to laugh and call her names. They never let poor Rupaul, join in any drag queen games.

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Matthew Ross >> Wurlitzer Christmas

"It's like listening to Christmas in a retirement home, as the old-folks are all lined up in the dining room" said my wife, just now. I think that's all that needs to be said about this album, really.

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Friday, 18 December 2009

Greg MacDonald >> A Real Steel Christmas

The Steel Drum is not an instrument traditionally associated with Christmas music, and it turns out there's a very good reason.

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Thursday, 17 December 2009

Paris Hilton >> Paris

How has this blog gone so long without posting this hotel heiress? With liberal use of autotune, the engineers just about manage to wrangle her voice into some semblance of accurate pitch, but there's just no emotion there. Just like her face.

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Friday, 11 December 2009

The Chipmunks >> Christmas With The Chipmunks

All your favourite Christmas songs, recorded by chipmunks. Of course, what this means, is that they're normal songs but they've raised the pitch of the vocals by a silly amount. Cute? No. Annoying? Oh definitely.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

The Power Pack Orchestra & Singers >> Kid's Themes

There are lots of albums of theme music on Spotify, many of them cheap imitations and cover versions. However, this album has to be the cheapest of them all. Awful.

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Friday, 27 November 2009

Studio 99 >> A Tribute To The Vengaboys

In the 90's, the Vengaboys were everywhere. Thankfully, they soon disappeared back into oblivion. Now, their euro-pop anthems have been lovingly recreated by the infamous Studio 99. Unfortunately.

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Sunday, 22 November 2009

Breathe Carolina > It's Classy, Not Classic

The screamo fans will hate the electronic noises and incessant euro-beat drum track, the electronic fans will hate the senseless screaming. In the end, nobody wins.

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Monday, 9 November 2009

Charles Manson >> Sings

Before Manson and his family went on their infamous killing spree, the fledgling musician tried several times unsuccessfully to land a recording contract. Probably for the best.

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Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Various Artists >> Music for Bondage Clubs

Could someone who's been to a bondage club please confirm that this is the kind of music they play at those establishments? For "research" purposes, of course.

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I'm gonna tie up @Hey_Vampires and give him a good spanking.

Friday, 9 October 2009

Schnuffel Bunny >> Snuggle Song

Get me a sick bag, I can't take it any more. This sickly sweet song, sung by a rabbit on helium, has an annoyingly cheesy euro-pop beat.

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Thursday, 8 October 2009

N/A >> Naisnice

A collection of random instrument sounds, bangs, bleepy noises, meaningless shouting, and lots and lots of very strong drugs.

Don't be lured into a false sense of security by the normal-sounding second track!

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Monday, 14 September 2009

Banana Airlines >> Banana Airlines Beste

Look at that album cover. Would you trust your life to this motley bunch of so-called pilots?

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Saturday, 12 September 2009

Brandon Adamson >> Costume Drama

There are some artists who know they are awful and release albums because it's funny. Then there's people like this guy, who I think genuinely believe they have talent.

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Sunday, 6 September 2009

Crazy Frog >> Crazy Hits

The Spotify Gods have chosen to "bless" us with Crazy Frog's first full length album, featuring all his "hits".

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The Blackout Crew >> Put A Donk On It

I just saw the advert for this on TV. Although the album isn't [yet] available on Spotify, this is a single from the same "crew", and it's just as awful.

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Monday, 31 August 2009

98FM Toll Trolls >> Toll Trolls 3

Supposedly a couple of radio personalities from Ireland, their humour is to simply raise the pitch of their voices to an annoying level and make bad jokes and perform worse sketches.

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Tuesday, 25 August 2009

The True Party >> Whazzup?

Woohoo, another blog update! This disaster of a record I found today completely by accident whilst researching the Budweiser 'Whazzup?' adverts on Wikipedia. So I ask you: Whazzup?

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Brainwave Mind Voyages >> Subliminal Wrestling Skills

This company has a lot of albums, many of which are subliminal training CDs. From Subliminal Algebra to Subliminal Zither, it seems there's no skill that can't be learnt subliminally.

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It all sounds like ocean waves to me, oledid.

Friday, 7 August 2009

Christopher Seufert >> Cape Cod Soundscapes, Vol. 1: Ocean At Chatham's Lighthouse Beach

I'm sure that Cape Cod is lovely. However, Christopher Seufert must really love the place, because he's recorded at least 10 albums of audio from there, 8 of which are on Spotify.

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Submitted by Dave

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Various Artists >> Scottish Bagpipes & Drums

The Bagpipes. A musical instrument so awful it was used in war to drive fear into the hearts of the enemy. That, and wearing nothing underneath their kilts.

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Friday, 31 July 2009

Meow Melodies >> A Little Cat Music

I don't know exactly how much purchasing power the average moggy has, but for those cats with an ear for music this album should be pleasant listening.

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I have a craving for some catnip now.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

The Siberian Chipmunks >> Sing The Charts Vol. 3

Step 1: Take a chart song
Step 2: Raise the pitch of the vocals
Step 3: ?????
Step 4: Profit!

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Submitted by Roger

Friday, 24 July 2009

John Barrowman >> Music Music Music

I made it through the rain, I kept my world protected. I made it through the rain, I kept my point of view. I made it through the rain, and found myself respected, by the others who, got rained on too, and made it through.

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Tuesday, 21 July 2009

The Vampires of Dartmoore >> Dracula's Music Cabinet

Part music, part halloween sound effects, and occasionally part pornography, this cheesy album is a real mixed bag.

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Submitted by Beany. Awful music is his pornography.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

Rhythmns Del Mundo >> Classics

Featuring many big names from modern pop and rock, this charity album has covers in a cuban style.

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Produced to raise awareness and funds for climate crisis projects and natural disaster relief. Visit for more info.

Friday, 17 July 2009

The Uninspiration Chillout Gods >> The Worst Chill-Out Music Ever Made

I feel like I'm cheating by posting this album. It's intentionally bad, and freely admits so. To add to that, the track-listing is wildly inaccurate.

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Suggested by plouh. Chill.

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Amanda Lepore >> Introducing...

Amanda Lepore is an American transsexual icon who has received attention for her modeling, fashion, partying, and business skills. I can't vouch for any of those other 'talents', but I don't think singing is one of them.

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Monday, 6 July 2009

Dr. Rick Collingwood >> Beating Marijuana Addiction

One in a series of many self-hypnosis albums, volume 18 aims to cure you of your addiction to mind altering drugs. By altering your mind.

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Suggested by oledid. Now I've got the munchies.

Friday, 3 July 2009

Les Baxter >> Moog Rock: Great Classic Hits

The 70's are well known for it's terrible music. That'll be all the drugs, I guess. But this is something else. Renditions of classical greats from famous composers.. on a Moog synth.

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Suggested by Rupert. He loves the Moog.

DJ Konnat >> Maailman Lyhin Elama

It takes a brave man to mix synth-pop and rap, but these guys have done it. Every song reminds me a bit of Ebeneezer Goode by The Shamen.

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Submitted by Henri. His friends call him 'Ezeer and he is the main geezer.

Monday, 29 June 2009

Ivan Mládek & Banjo Band >> Jožin z bažin w Polsce

The tragic thing about listening to this album on Spotify is that you don't get the visuals of a live performance. Check it out on Youtube, it's unmissable.

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Friday, 26 June 2009

News: Alestorm is officially awesome

A while back, I asked for your opinions on pirate-metal rockers, Alestorm. Well, the votes are in, and the results are that Alestorm are officially awesome, with 78% of the votes. Thank you to everyone who voted.

The Flatulent Phantoms >> Halloween Monster Farts

Breaking news! Just when you thought you'd heard all the Halloween farting albums on this blog already, it turns out there's another one!

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Thanks for the tip-off, Sami-Pekka!

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

The Waitresses >> The Best Of

I'll probably get flamed for posting this here, but I feel it's justified. Could she sing with any less passion? Could her voice be any flatter? Sure they had that one Christmas hit, but a whole album in that awful speaking-rap is too much.

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Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Los Inhumanos >> Cara-Dura

Let's just take a moment to appreciate that wreck of an album cover. And now, let's listen to the Spanish language version of Nellie The Elephant. Tragic.

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Don't blame me, blame Stephen!

Monday, 22 June 2009

Katie Price & Peter Andre >> A Whole New World

This album is just one of many abominations of the past decade that would never have existed had it not been for the magic of AutoTune.

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Thanks to submitter Stephen, who is always pitch-perfect.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Afrirampo >> Kore Ga Mayaku Da

I can't even understand what they're singing and I can tell it sounds bad.

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John Zorn >> First Recordings 1973

Is this what a bad trip sounds like? Kids, don't do drugs. You'll produce albums like this.

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Derek Bailey >> Carpal Tunnel

Derek Bailey has carpal tunnel syndrome, and that impedes his ability to play the guitar. I'm not personally convinced he'd be much better without the condition.

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Saturday, 20 June 2009

Various Artists >> A Buddha Lounge Tribute to the Beatles

"Mystical Far Eastern Versions of Classic Beatles Songs". These songs are neither mystical or far-eastern. They're just bad.

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Thanks again to Stephen, who is definitely very mystical.

Otomo Yoshihide >> Anode

"OK, here's the plan. We fill this room with instruments, then invite a bunch of six-year-olds in.. and record the result!"

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Merzbow >> A Taste Of...

I just don't get it. Why is this popular? OK it's Japanese and Japanese culture is popular, but this is just noise.. quite literally.

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Harry Partch >> 17 Lyrics of Li Po

This is like some kind of weird awful opera. With a violin. And no interesting plot.

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Friday, 19 June 2009

Palast Orchester mit seinem Sänger Max Raabe >> Superhits 2

That previous album was so awful I had to post this, the sequel; with even more horrifying covers of modern pop in a Cabaret style.

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I guess I should thank Lizzie again. You're so spoiled, Lizzie.

Palast Orchester mit seinem Sänger Max Raabe >> Superhits

Submitter Lizzie puts it best: "Cabaret takes on Britney Spears et al. resulting in a sound that could be described as 'eclectic'. Highlights include 'We Will Rock You', 'Blue (Da Ba Dee)' and the misleading title 'Sex Bomb'."

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Thanks, Lizzie!