Sunday, 20 August 2017

£1 Fish Man >> One Pound Fish



This singing superstar was "discovered" at his market stall, selling his wares by using his vocal talents and singing about his cheap fish.  His voice isn't actually that bad, but it earns its place on this blog because of the lyrics, and the DJ remixes on this release.

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This actually reached number 28 in the UK Singles Chart, number 4 in the UK Dance Chart, and number 1 in the UK Asian Chart.

Sunday, 13 August 2017

IceJJFish >> On the Floor



I have my suspicions this one is intentionally awful, but on the off-chance that it's genuine, I include it here for your enjoyment.  Check out his other releases too; "Get Lost" and "My Bae".

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Thanks to submitter Sarah for this one.

Sunday, 6 August 2017

Ivy Blue >> Every Glass Memory



This submission to the blog came with a follow-up email regretting their submission because they found out the singer has autism, and felt bad their inclusion. Well, in the interest of equal opportunities, I'm including it anyway. Bad singing is bad singing, after all.

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Sorry Jac, it was just too good bad to not post it!

Sunday, 30 July 2017

Diamanda Galás >> Schrei x



How did you sleep last night?  I hope it was good, because after listening to this you might not sleep again for a while.  This is a horrid collection of noise from what I can only assume is someone possessed by evil spirits.  Enjoy.

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Thanks to submitter Dominic, who claims this is "cracking stuff". His words, not mine.

Sunday, 23 July 2017

Roobie Breastnut >> Porn Flush



Roobie Breastnut's first album, "Porn Flush," set the stage for her musical career of combining 90s-era dance sounds with low-grade talk-singing about boobs, balls, and butts. You'd think that a musical career with songs such as "Scrotum Sack", "Fuck Me Fuck Me", and "Ooh Baby Naked Dance" would be impeccable, but, you wouldn’t really think that, actually. Nope.

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Via theworstthingsforsale.com

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Placido Lobos & His American Amigos >> The Macarena Christmas Medley Extended Version



This dreadful rendition of The Macarena, expertly mixed with a selection of Christmas classics, comes in at a tortuous 16 minutes and 27 seconds.

If that's not enough for you masochists, the album also features Hot Hot Hot Christmas Medley Extended Edition, also over 16 minutes.

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Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!

Saturday, 26 March 2016

Vanilla >> No Way No Way



Vanilla were a British girl group from Barnet, England, founded in 1997.  This song won the ITV Chart Show "Worst Music Video Ever" award and was voted number 26 on Channel 4's "100 Worst Pop Records".

I say no way, no way, to listening to this more than once.

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Sunday, 24 May 2015

Limpie Bisquit >> The Best Greatest Hacker In The Universe


The self-proclaimed Best Greatest Hacker In The Universe is so good at hacking that he hacked together this album without even needing to have any talent.

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Thursday, 3 April 2014

James Dean Claitor >> Let Me Down Easy



You want me to let you down easy, James? OK. Here goes. You suck at singing. Oh sorry that wasn't letting you down very easy, was it? Let me try again. You're awful. Hmm, no, I'm not very good at that.

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Thanks to submitter Nathan for this awful noise

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Raj Shankar >> Sing Dance and Sweat


Sing Dance and Sweat Audio Album For Holiday Mood, to give this album its full title, is one of two equally awful albums on Spotify by Raj Shankar. Here's a tip, Raj. When you're designing your album cover, don't wear a white suit on a white background, or you'll look like a floating disembodied head.

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Thanks to Jac for this one by email submission!

Monday, 3 February 2014

Melchior Alias >> Melchior Alias... Remastered



I may not understand much French, but I know enough to understand that our friend here, Mechior Alias, doesn't have the strongest singing voice. 

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Saturday, 1 February 2014

Love Is All >> Fight



Put musical instruments in a mental asylum, give the inmates a microphone and access to the internet, and the result could be this album from Love Is All.

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Thanks to June for this submission by email!

Friday, 31 January 2014

Henry Kaiser >> The Bird Returns To The Forest



Hello, I'm not dead! In other news, I'm listening to this album. It must take a lot of skill to make musical instruments sound this bad. So much skill that he's released more than 40 albums.

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Sunday, 19 August 2012

The Buttplugs >> Hitler's Nipples




I really had no idea that Hitler was so well endowed underneath that uniform.

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Sunday, 5 August 2012

Doron Braunshtein >> The Obsessive Poet



This 4 CD album mixes spoken-word with songs and instrumentals.  I guess this is poetry of some kind?  I'm not really sure.

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Sunday, 29 July 2012

Arnold Schwarzenegger >> Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Body Workout



This album features a collection of classic hits by the likes of Gladys Knight & The Pips, Journey, and Tommy Tutone.  It also features everyone's favourite muscular Austrian body-builder turned actor turned politician.  Arnie pumps us up and encourages us to work out.

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Thanks to Richard for this one!

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Vuvuzela Chromatic Orchestra >> Meet the World



Inspired by a recent post on Reddit, I went looking for an album of Vuvuzela hits. Of course, there were hundreds. This album is a collection of traditional songs played through one of these plastic trumpets of doom. No, wait, worse, it's synthesized.

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Sunday, 17 June 2012

Jason Crumer >> Ottoman Black



This artist is tagged: noise, Avant-Garde, harsh noise, experimental.  I can't see how anyone can enjoy this.  Really.  If you like this, can you leave a comment, so that we can learn your secrets?

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Sunday, 6 May 2012

Cyberwhores >> Greatest Hits



This British group channels their inner teenager when producing this album, with liberal use of swearing, controversial subjects, and titles such as "Cuntries R Shit" and "Dictate My Pussy". Surprised they didn't call it "Greatest Shits".

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Saturday, 21 January 2012

Otto Von Schirach >> PUKOLOGY



If you're feeling at all queasy, don't listen to this album. In fact, even if you're feeling fine right now, you might not continue to be so once you begin listening to this.

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Saturday, 22 October 2011

Tiny Tim >> God Bless Tiny Tim



Music of the 60's can be seriously weird, and this album is continuing proof of that.  With his high-pitched falsetto voice and ukulele, Tiny Tim is an acquired taste.

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Saturday, 15 October 2011

The Upstroke >> Porno Groove: The Sound of 70's Adult Films



Put this album on, and see how many of the people around you claim to recognise the music, but aren't quite sure from where.

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It's actually quite good.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

H.G.Wells Playhouse >> The Time Machine

There are a growing number of audiobooks on Spotify. Some good, some bad. However, how many of them are read by Transformer Decepticon robot, Soundwave? Answer: THIS ONE.

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Thanks again to submitter Uri

Sunday, 21 August 2011