Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew >> Authentic Pirate Hip Hop

"The only rap crew with buccaneer technique!" says Last.fm.  I could believe that.  Unless there's some underground scene of pirate hip-hop that I'm unaware of, but that's unlikely.  Ahoy, me homies.

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Various Artists >> Hip-Hop Tribute to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Greatest Hits

Who is this for?  It won't appeal to Lynyrd Skynyrd fans, and it won't appeal to hip-hop fans either.  Did they make the album specifically for this blog?  We'll never know.

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E-Rotic >> The Best Of

Trashy German Eurodance from the late 90's will always have a place in this blog. The album cover alone is Not Safe For Work, and the content is just as bad.  Awful.

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King Of Bass >> Its Our Generation Collbration Of Bass Hits

"It's possibly the worst "mixing" I've ever heard in my life, and I really have no idea what they're trying to achieve" writes submitter, Craig. "Some golden tracks on the album include Ke$ha, Crazy Frog and Gorillaz all mixed into an inaudible mess complete with a sprinkling of random bass-lines, police radio chatter and sirens." - Play.

Never Mind The Pan Pipes >> Indie Pan Pipe Hits

It's modern tracks by artists such as White Stripes and The Fratellis, but the vocals have been replaced by the Pan Pipes. If I heard this being played by a street band I might be tempted to throw them 50p for the amusement.

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Glen Everhart >> The One Putt Strutt - "Motivational" Songs for Golfers

Golf. A serene sport. Just you and the ball. And your club. And the hole, some grass, some sand traps, other golfers, birds, trees, bushes, squirrels, aeroplanes, those fun electric carts... anyway, I digress.

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Mozart >> Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

You thought you knew Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? Well, you haven't heard the 33 renditions on this album yet. Also, did you know that Twinkle Twinkle is the same as the Alphabet Song?

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Thanks to Alexander!

Sound FX >> Amazing Sound Effects of Doors

Here's a fun game you can play with the family over Christmas. Play them a track from this album, and they have to guess what kind of door they're hearing!

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Thanks to Tim.

Holly Jolly Pets >> Christmas Dogs & Cats Album

There's nothing more peaceful at Christmas than listening to your dog bark repeatedly, or your cat whine for no reason. And to celebrate that, here's an album of tunes sung by pets.

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The Toilet Bowl Cleaners >> Holiday Poop Puke & Pee Songs

In the run-up to Christmas, it's traditional to listen to some music with a Yuletide theme.  This scatological album delivers exactly what it promises.


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Thanks to anonymous submitter!

Harry Hill >> Funny Times

I like Harry Hill, but I know there's a lot of people out there who can't stand him. And for those people, I present this album. Surely he's trying to be funny with this rubbish? Or is that the point..?

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Heads Hits Concrete >> Thy Kingdom Come Undone

Apparently this genre is called 'Grindcore'. It makes me want to grind my face against a wall until I get to the gooey core, that's for certain.  Or maybe that's the intention of this noise?  Even so; awful.

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Venetian Snares >> Songs About My Cats

I totally get what Aaron Funk of Venetian Snares is trying to say about his cats.  He's saying they're all BOOM BOOM TISH BLEEP BLEEP CRRRRRSSHHHH TINK TINK TINK TISH TISH FFFFT GHHHK GGGHHKK GHHGHGHKK WEEEEE.  My cat's the same way. Play Album 

Thanks Jenni!

Various Artists >> SFX Vol. 5

I feel very naughty just listening to this. Especially track 35. It's an entire disc of naughty sexy dirty sound effects, because you never know when you'll need the sound of an Old Jewish Man Climaxing (that's track 19). 

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Various Artists >> Vile Pervert - The Music

The music from the musical of the same name, with lyrics like "There's nothing wrong with buggering boys/as long as they're doing what they enjoy" and "Look at him, he's a vile pervert, ogling boys and lifting his shirt". Tragic.

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Submitted by Ben Hampton, a vile pervert if ever I saw one.

Lance Romañce >> Sonnets Set To Music

This is one of those albums where you start to wonder whether the artist is serious. Do they think they have talent, or are they putting the album out as a joke?

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Axe Men >> Barack's Greatest Hits, Vol 1

Take a bunch of popular rock songs, and replace any mention of the word 'rock' with 'barack' and work from there. A very silly concept but quite well executed actually.

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Jim Weiss >> Abraham Lincoln and the Heart of America

Abraham Lincoln was a very tall American man who lived a long time ago. Hear the story about this unknown stranger told by Jim Weiss, the highlight of which being Jim's vocal impressions of those in the story.

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The Sun Harbor's Chorus-Documentary Recordings >> America's Bugle Calls

The Bugle, America's most noble and versatile of instruments. But would anyone really want to listen to an album of nearly 60 bugle calls?

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Jude Scott Forgatch >> Mr America...Stay Tuned!

Today is the 4th of July. In America it means something significant. So I honour their special day in the most American way possible, by bringing you.. MR AMERICA himself!

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Eduard Khil >> I Am Very Glad, Because I'm Finally Returning Back Home (Trololo)

The Trololo song comes to Spotify, sadly without being able to see Eduard's manic grinning face as he shuffles around the stage in his brown leisuresuit. For that, you really need Youtube.

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Various Artists >> Love Making Songs

I'll let our submitter Ben do the talking here: "This is shocking - worse than it looks.. yep, worse than the cover art. Not some bad compilation - mainly the work of one "Will Henry" who seems to think you'd want to get your rocks off to his piss-poor drum-machine-and-Casio rip-offs of the Crusaders."

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Various Artists >> Beethoven's Farth

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. This album of party hits is pretty non- descript, but one song stands out above all others. Who would have thought Beethoven was such a flatulent guy?

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Wafted towards me by PO Anfelter

Album removed.

There was another album here, but I've removed it. The artist whose album it was has displayed their ignorance by contacting me, accusing me of breaching copyright by posting my review and by linking to the album on Spotify.

Despite my attempts at explaining that I have no association with Spotify besides being one of it's users, and that the artist had, either directly or indirectly, approved the album to be published online themselves, they persisted in their endeavour to bully me into removing it.

This artist has supposedly contacted their attorney over this. In one email, they demanded $1,000 per year to publish their works, again not understanding that they are trying to negotiate with the wrong people.

So, because I'm just a user, a normal guy doing something perfectly legal by reviewing their album and linking to it on Spotify (a perfectly legal music service, comparable to iTunes), but don't want this hassle, I have removed my review.

Now you, readers of this blog, cannot know about this album, cannot listen to it on Spotify, and the artist will receive no revenue for you doing so (which they would otherwise have done).

Ladies and Gentlemen, this artist truly is The Best of the Worst of Spotify.

Birgit Løkke >> Forbidden Forest

What is this? Is this new age? Experimental? Or perhaps it's just mental. Bells, clangs, ethereal noises, bangs and other strange sounds make this album particularly droll.

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