Palmer Stanfield >> Conversations We Don't Want To Have

"Could that conversation be.... about his awful rap lyrics?" - Nizzore

"Dude has the rhythm of Michael J Fox fucking a paint mixer on public transportation." - Fiagro

"This is outstandingly bad. This makes me sad." - bonnieprincekillme

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Princess Vitarah >> Too Much Talent

Too much talent, claims Princess Vitarah.  I somehow doubt her royal lineage, but she's already set herself up as a liar by claiming she has talent (let alone too much of it).  Definitely not safe for work. Or home. Or travelling.

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Don't forget to check out her other releases, too!

Jean-Pierre Sauser >> Amour et rock'n'roll

The stars and stripes! An eagle! A big truck! This album must be some sort of patriotic American tribute, right? Wrong. It's a French guy. Bamboozled again!

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Amazingly, the title translates to "love and midi music". Thanks to submitter Marc, who apologises to you all.

The Fat Cowboy - Do Dat Diddly Ding Dang

Good news! If you love this song and want to sing along, there's a karaoke version also available on Spotify.

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Do dat diddly ding dang is Ned Flanders' favourite song.

Mr Zip >> Where Me Keys, Where Me Phone?

They say the best songs are ones where you can really relate to the lyrics. Many songs have been written about love, sex, death, and cheap fish from the market, but this catchy tune tackles perhaps the most tricky subject of all: not knowing where your keys and phone are.

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£1 Fish Man >> One Pound Fish

This singing superstar was "discovered" at his market stall, selling his wares by using his vocal talents and singing about his cheap fish.  His voice isn't actually that bad, but it earns its place on this blog because of the lyrics, and the DJ remixes on this release.

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This actually reached number 28 in the UK Singles Chart, number 4 in the UK Dance Chart, and number 1 in the UK Asian Chart.

IceJJFish >> On the Floor

I have my suspicions this one is intentionally awful, but on the off-chance that it's genuine, I include it here for your enjoyment.  Check out his other releases too; "Get Lost" and "My Bae".

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Thanks to submitter Sarah for this one.

Ivy Blue >> Every Glass Memory

This submission to the blog came with a follow-up email regretting their submission because they found out the singer has autism, and felt bad their inclusion. Well, in the interest of equal opportunities, I'm including it anyway. Bad singing is bad singing, after all.

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Sorry Jac, it was just too good bad to not post it!

Diamanda Galás >> Schrei x

How did you sleep last night?  I hope it was good, because after listening to this you might not sleep again for a while.  This is a horrid collection of noise from what I can only assume is someone possessed by evil spirits.  Enjoy.

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Thanks to submitter Dominic, who claims this is "cracking stuff". His words, not mine.

Roobie Breastnut >> Porn Flush

Roobie Breastnut's first album, "Porn Flush," set the stage for her musical career of combining 90s-era dance sounds with low-grade talk-singing about boobs, balls, and butts. You'd think that a musical career with songs such as "Scrotum Sack", "Fuck Me Fuck Me", and "Ooh Baby Naked Dance" would be impeccable, but, you wouldn’t really think that, actually. Nope.

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Via theworstthingsforsale.com

Placido Lobos & His American Amigos >> The Macarena Christmas Medley Extended Version

This dreadful rendition of The Macarena, expertly mixed with a selection of Christmas classics, comes in at a tortuous 16 minutes and 27 seconds.

If that's not enough for you masochists, the album also features Hot Hot Hot Christmas Medley Extended Edition, also over 16 minutes.

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Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!

Vanilla >> No Way No Way

Vanilla were a British girl group from Barnet, England, founded in 1997.  This song won the ITV Chart Show "Worst Music Video Ever" award and was voted number 26 on Channel 4's "100 Worst Pop Records".

I say no way, no way, to listening to this more than once.

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Limpie Bisquit >> The Best Greatest Hacker In The Universe

The self-proclaimed Best Greatest Hacker In The Universe is so good at hacking that he hacked together this album without even needing to have any talent.

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James Dean Claitor >> Let Me Down Easy

You want me to let you down easy, James? OK. Here goes. You suck at singing. Oh sorry that wasn't letting you down very easy, was it? Let me try again. You're awful. Hmm, no, I'm not very good at that.

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Thanks to submitter Nathan for this awful noise

Raj Shankar >> Sing Dance and Sweat

Sing Dance and Sweat Audio Album For Holiday Mood, to give this album its full title, is one of two equally awful albums on Spotify by Raj Shankar. Here's a tip, Raj. When you're designing your album cover, don't wear a white suit on a white background, or you'll look like a floating disembodied head.

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Thanks to Jac for this one by email submission!

Melchior Alias >> Melchior Alias... Remastered

I may not understand much French, but I know enough to understand that our friend here, Mechior Alias, doesn't have the strongest singing voice. 

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Love Is All >> Fight

Put musical instruments in a mental asylum, give the inmates a microphone and access to the internet, and the result could be this album from Love Is All.

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Thanks to June for this submission by email!

Henry Kaiser >> The Bird Returns To The Forest

Hello, I'm not dead! In other news, I'm listening to this album. It must take a lot of skill to make musical instruments sound this bad. So much skill that he's released more than 40 albums.

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The Buttplugs >> Hitler's Nipples

I really had no idea that Hitler was so well endowed underneath that uniform.

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Doron Braunshtein >> The Obsessive Poet

This 4 CD album mixes spoken-word with songs and instrumentals.  I guess this is poetry of some kind?  I'm not really sure.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger >> Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Body Workout

This album features a collection of classic hits by the likes of Gladys Knight & The Pips, Journey, and Tommy Tutone.  It also features everyone's favourite muscular Austrian body-builder turned actor turned politician.  Arnie pumps us up and encourages us to work out.

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Thanks to Richard for this one!

Vuvuzela Chromatic Orchestra >> Meet the World

Inspired by a recent post on Reddit, I went looking for an album of Vuvuzela hits. Of course, there were hundreds. This album is a collection of traditional songs played through one of these plastic trumpets of doom. No, wait, worse, it's synthesized.

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Jason Crumer >> Ottoman Black

This artist is tagged: noise, Avant-Garde, harsh noise, experimental.  I can't see how anyone can enjoy this.  Really.  If you like this, can you leave a comment, so that we can learn your secrets?

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Cyberwhores >> Greatest Hits

This British group channels their inner teenager when producing this album, with liberal use of swearing, controversial subjects, and titles such as "Cuntries R Shit" and "Dictate My Pussy". Surprised they didn't call it "Greatest Shits".

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Otto Von Schirach >> PUKOLOGY

If you're feeling at all queasy, don't listen to this album. In fact, even if you're feeling fine right now, you might not continue to be so once you begin listening to this.

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