Josh Elkin >> Chocolate Chip Cookies

What could possibly be the most inconvenient way of providing a recipe and cooking instructions?  Maybe it's via the medium of rap.  Josh Elkin provides a number of recipes in this way, including Pizza, French Fries (or Onion Rings), Eggs Benedict, and this featured track; Chocolate Chip Cookies.

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The Hit Crew >> New Year's Party Music

What could be better at getting your New Year's party jumping than an album of hits from 10 years ago?  Yes that's right, if they're not sung by their original artists, but instead a collection of soundalikes!

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Happy New Year.

Chief Kooffreh >> Worldwide Best Christmas

Answer me this: What Christmas song isn't improved by adding police sirens?  The answer of course, is all of them, but judge for yourself by listening to this collection of festive treats by prolific artist Chief Koffreh.

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Bareback Boys >> Bare Christmas

To get you in the Christmas mood here's an album that should do just that.  Wait, no, this isn't the mood I expected.  No, wait, stop...

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Lil Ruben >> Fortnite, Vol 1

Another bedroom rapper, Lil Ruben has decided to take musical inspiration from his favourite computer game.  I'm not entirely sure how any of the songs relate to the content of Fortnite, but I'll take his word for it.

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Thin One >> Haters University

Recorded in his grandmas bathroom using the built-in mic of his laptop, this album of urban grooves is the first in a trilogy of Haters University albums from this artist.  Strangely, the entire album is punctuated all the way through with adverts for a website.

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Earwax Control >> Number Two Live

This weird album is full of weird noises, I wouldn't exactly call it music, most of the tracks don't have a discernable beat of any kind.  Or tune.  Or much of anything, really.

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Melted Cassettes >> The Real Sounds from Hell Recordings

A sort of harsh electro-industrial noise album with vocals so heavily processed with effects that you'll struggle to understand a single word.  Incomprehensible and impenetrable.

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Submitted by Brian back in 2013.  Thanks, Brian!

Translate Weather: Sex with Maps >> Feel Forecasts from Follows

This prolific artist has released numerous albums which all bear striking similarity to each other, namely that they are filled with incomprehensible bleeps, screeches, clicks, clacks and hushed whispering.  This is not music for normal humans.

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A Submitter >> Do or Die: Sheeple or Terrorists

It's the time of year once again to celebrate the attempted destruction of the British houses of parliament by celebrated terrorist Gudio Fawkes.  He's an album about terrorists, or sheeple, or maybe both.  7 discs worth of weird noises.

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Kidz Bop Kidz >> KIDZ BOP Halloween

Let's get that scary party bopping along to these classic tracks that have been absolutely ruined by having them sung by kids who have probably never heard any of the original tracks and are incapable of singing with any kind of passion.

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Jad Fair >> Everyone Knew... But Me

If the 'thing' that everyone else knew was that Jad Fair sounded like someone torturing a bunch of cats, then I really wish someone would have told him.  This album is from 1981, and amazingly he's still shitting out music today.

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IceGoat >> This is IceGoat

The difficult first album from IceGoat is an interesting mix of experimental sounds and avant garde expressionism which tells the tale of the life of an average brony in the year 2008.  Heavily influenced by such sounds as "someone eating a microphone", and "man has a bad accident with a lawnmower".

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Submitted by Johnny back in 2015 -- thanks Johnny!

Eilert Pilarm >> Eilert is Back

Eilert is back.  This is your only warning.  He likes Elvis songs, and he sings them in the best way he can.

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The Chant Masters >> Gregorian Beatles

Gregorian chants and songs by The Beatles aren't natural bedfellows, what with being separated in popularity by many hundreds of years.  If you're curious how the two could coexist, by all means...

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Lou Reed >> Metal Machine Music

This album, believe it or not, was so terrible that the record company actually sent apology notices out to all of the record stores that carried it.  Imagine yourself sitting in a dentist's chair and having a drill in your mouth, without novocaine, with rusty nails being driven into your fingers, with an insane circus clown honking a horn in your ear while throwing pies in your face for hours and hours and hours. That feeling is this album.

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Nick Knowles >> Every Kind of People

DIY SOS host Nick Knowles has stepped away from the tool box and into the studio as he releases his debut album, and people have been giving it some hilarious reviews.  "The singing is quite simply astonishing. Nick brays along pleasingly in a raspy bass-type fashion: part Tom Waits, part throttled warthog. The musical arrangements are right up there with your average pub singalong (but not quite as good, but it’s close)."

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Studio Group >> Jungle Porn Soundtrack

What better combination could there be than the moans, squeals, grunts and sighs of a porn movie accompanied by the tribal music sounds of some jungle dwelling community?

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Is it warm in here or is it just me?

Thanks to Sami-Pekka, who submitted this to me a loooong time ago.

Orchestre Sein du Wun >> Musiques Khmères royales & populaires

Reader Niklas writes; "Here’s a masterpiece that I found when browsing through the wonders of Spotify one evening. I would like to introduce you to Burmese party-banger and club-shaking sounds. And if you play any song from this album, you’ll appreciate rhythm all of a sudden."

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He's not wrong.  Like a class of primary school children at a musical recital.  Thanks, Niklas!

Hot Time Harv's Rollercoaster of Kicks >> Hot Time Harv's Rollercoaster of Kicks

Hot Time Harv might have a modicum of talent; he sure can play the ukulele, but why does he have to sing in that ridiculous voice? 

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Subconscious Language Learning Shaman - English / Chinese Volume 1

I'm not convinced that listening to any of these subconscious language learning albums will do anything for your ability to speak in foreign tongues, but I'm willing to be proven otherwise.

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Pooping Poop Poopers and Shouting Girls Crying Man >> Penis Man Laughing at 80's Fashion Tips with Banana Hookers

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me Pooping Poop Poopers and Shouting Girls Crying Man!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… love and waffles, Pooping Poop Poopers and Shouting Girls Crying Man.

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The Medicine of Music >> Songs of Love: Pop, Vol. 324

Volume 324. Really. There are hundreds of these wholesome albums singing about people, their redeeming qualities, and things they enjoy. The titles don't seem to relate to the song besides the name, leading to such bizarre examples as "Kaylee loves Bells, Gardevoir, and Stretching" and "Joshua loves Aston Martin, Liechtenstein, and Teacher".

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Anyone got an explanation for these albums?

Brian C >> Coming of Age

No, don't worry, you haven't lost all hearing in your left ear; the first song is really mixed 100% to the right speaker.  The album does manage to return to stereo for the remainder, but doesn't really improve in any other way.

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Lou Reed and Metallica >> Lulu

I might get some hate for this post but here goes anyway.  I like Metallica.  I like Lou Reed.  Both are accomplished artists and both have produced some great music.  However, this collaboration is just absolute trash.  Really, truly awful.

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I'm not sure in which regions this album is available on Spotify, but if the above link doesn't work for you there are other ways of listening to it, which I recommend you do.  Just once.